I am clearly NOT a believer in boot camps, pushing yourself relentlessly, or any kind of yelling at your sweet self.
Because that kind of approach never produces the long-term results you want and often sends you skittering back to draining habits, self-judgement, and procrastinating as a way to manage your anxiety.
All the research shows self-kindness and self-compassion are much more effective for making real change.Continue reading
To quote my friend and brilliant coach Michele Woodward:
“There is just too much going on.”
I speak to people almost every day – students, clients, neighbors, friends – who are overwhelmed by all that and more.
By everything that needs fixing in the world on top of their own listlessness, fear and uncertainty we are all feeling.
We may have no idea what to do to help. The issues are all SO big. We are so tiny.Continue reading
Last week, I asked you to study how you procrastinate so we can change self-harm into true self-care. If you missed that, go here.
I also promised we would do something with your observations. That’s today.
But first, remember: you procrastinate to take care of yourself, not because you are lazy or unorganized. However, this only you takes care of present-day you, while frustrating, even hurting, future you.Continue reading
Procrastination is self-care turned self-harm.
It’s a way of coping with difficult emotions and moods.
For example, while writing this, I procrastinated by watching a short video on YouTube about a Chinese couple dancing together to help the husband recover from depression.Continue reading
If there is one single idea that I believe we need to reject as humans, it is the idea of being done.
The promise that someday, somehow, somewhere, we will arrive where we will finally be… finished. Gleaming with, if not perfection, then with enoughness.
Existing in some kind of steady-state of peace, success, creative output, or whatever it is you seek.Continue reading
Are you feeling beaten down? Worn out? Stretched tight and ready to snap?
I’m right there with you. I go for a run, and am thankful for my mask and sunglasses so I can weep and nobody sees my tears.
It’s so hard these days to do what usually I’d have no trouble doing: skip the news and meditate instead, exercise first thing and then actually shower, take hourly breaks from work, skip the 5 o’clock cocktail, keep the phone out of my bedroom: the simple stuff that makes it easier to do the hard stuff.Continue reading
I invited my friend Rick Hanson to a Facebook Live last week, and he shared a fascinating piece of research from his newest book, Neurodhrama; namely that anger is the only negative emotion that feels good. Anger releases dopamine and norepinephrine which feels good in the moment.
But as Rick said, “anger has a honeyed barb followed by a poisoned barb. Feels goods at the moment and poisons us over time.”Continue reading
Lately I’ve been hearing from students and friends two themes:
“Why bother to create when the world is in such crisis?”
“I’m beyond exhausted. As a person of color, I don’t have it in me to create right now yet I’m hurting without it.”
And for my readers of color, if there is anything I can do to support you, hit reply and tell me. I cannot presume to know what you’re experiencing so take what serves and chuck the rest–or chuck it all.Continue reading
You have been working on your internalized racism — reading and taking classes and uncovering your biases — for months or years or decades. Working to become anti-racist. You’ve made calls, signed petitions, you’ve called out your racist aunt at Thanksgiving and you’ve stopped letting anyone say “I’m not racist, I’m color blind etc.” You’ve […]Continue reading