When You Don’t Want to Belong
When you don’t want to belong, it might be because you aren’t belonging to yourself first.
Allow me to tell you a story.
Lately, I’ve been choosing to not spend much time online. Sometimes that wonderful soup of tweets, Facebook updates, and blog posts triggers a feeling in me of not doing enough. I am not creating the next big fantastic thing!!! I am not creating that next big thing fast enough!!!! (exclamation points necessary)
My self-created negative story of not creating fast enough, big enough, is dangerous for me. If I focus on purpose or product too much when I create, I lose my mo-jo and can careen into a blue funk of depression. I have dealt with depression most of my life so I do everything I can to stay healthy.
I am a depression warrior queen!!!! (exclamation points necessary)
Thus I find myself needing to not belong for a time, to heed the call of silent sovereignty, to find my center again.
I have also noticed during this time of not belonging some places how completely I want to belong to the Creative Joy retreat.
I can’t wait to belong to the wholeness of this creative tribe. I already feel the circle forming. It’s a living being. I see us each taking our place along the rim. It feels so good!
So I ask myself: Why do I want to belong at the retreat but not online?
The answer comes quickly: Because I will belong to myself at the retreat. To be an effective retreat convener, I must belong deeply to myself first. That is my job, my main role, and knowing that brings me home to myself at the same time it serves others. (Savor & Serve)
Belonging starts with you and perhaps it’s not always possible to feel you belong to yourself – sometimes you’re heartbroken or exhausted or you have abandoned yourself in comparison or you have thrown yourself hard at a project that has failed and then you might need to not belong, for a time, to find yourself again.
If this ever happens to you, with your family or your office mates or your neighbors, I hope you will give yourself time to rest, to turn within, to listen, without thinking less of yourself. When I dance, sometimes the teacher says, “Dance with your partner but stay connected to yourself.” That is hard and rich and wonderful and sometimes, to do that, we have to leave, go quiet, not belong.
Then we will find, blessedly, that when we belong to ourselves, we belong everywhere.
P.S. I will dedicate the merits of the Creative Joy retreat to all of you. Please consider taking some time this weekend for your own creative joy retreat. Even an hour or two of creativity for creativity’s sake will be so very nourishing. Know that you belong with us even if you can’t be there in person.
P.P.S. I am attending the World Domination Summit in Portland July 6th-8th. This brings up many issues for me about belonging. If you are there, and feel yourself not belonging for whatever reason, sidle up along side me and say hi. We can remind each other to belong to ourselves first. Okay? Okay!!!!!!