I’ve been unwinding a complex body issue for the last six years. It’s a weird, twisted pattern that involves my whole body, causes me a fair amount of pain, and often stops me from doing a lot of what I love to do.
Honestly, it’s been kinda of awful. Not cancer awful, not can’t walk awful, but chronic and “can’t do that” awful.
When I say I have tried everything to heal, I am not exaggerating. I could write my own Christmas song… “Six PT’s assessing, five shamans ringing, four chiropractors adjusting, three orthopedic docs consulting, two yoga therapists aligning, and a pet psychic in Jen’s tree (the pet psychic works with humans too)…”
The good news is my intrepid and gifted physical therapist, Erin, has unraveled a big part of my issue – a damaged pelvic floor. Why has it been so hard to figure out? Because I recruit from the wrong places.
Instead of from my pelvic floor, I recruit from my neck and my jaw. Who knew your pelvic floor is not your neck? Not me apparently. When Erin is working on me, we regularly find ourselves giggling pretty hard at what my body does. Erin, brow wrinkled, talking more to herself then me, “Now why did you just do that?”
You too might want to see a pelvic floor specialist if you’ve have back issues and have had kids, a history of uterine issues, or a hysterectomy, but if you haven’t, here’s the other cool idea I have gleaned from this experience:
I notice how I recruit from less-than-optimal places in other parts of my life too.
- When I’m writing, instead of drawing from what feels truest and juiciest, I’ll recruit from what feels correct or right.
- When I’m parenting, I’ll recruit from “shoulds” instead of my values.
- When I’m teaching, I’ll want to draw on “keep ’em happy” instead of “What is the outcome I’m hoping to guide them to?”
- When I’m with my mom, I recruit from guilt and sadness rather than spaciousness and the gift of still being together.
I just love this insight. In my body, an injury went unaddressed and I found a work-around that caused more damage. The very good news? Work-arounds can be dissolved. Healing can happen.
For now, I’m noticing how I recruit. Using my pelvic floor, using my heart. I’m noticing when my “false recruitment” stories, all faintly shame tinged and involving a lot of scurrying and pleasing, come on line. I’m being so tender and sweet with myself. I’m remembering my basic goodness a lot!
That’s what I’m up to. It’s all a big mystery and a great one to be paying attention to.
How about you? Do you “recruit” from places or sources that are less than helpful or true for you, or that used to be but aren’t working anymore? A pelvic floor is not a neck. Always love to read your thoughts!