I’m still wavering on how to do this monthly “glance back” in a way that feels juicy and of use, and I’m showing up anyway. Because waiting to get things figured out is such a waste and I’m actively letting go of my desire for certainty. It squelches my creative growth. Learning to live in what the poet Keats called “negative capability” is where I’m putting my attention these days – becoming intimate with open-endness. Centering myself in curious.
This is challenging for me. I love to get things done but that can easily scoot into wanting to be done. When my focus is on being done, I lose what I crave most: full creative soul immersion. My jaw tenses and my gaze narrows. I get tired more easily. I feel bored and restless, shallow. It’s the opposite of savoring life.
How to live in negative capability, embracing uncertainty? Here is what I’m trying:
- reminding myself that being challenged, frustrated, and not knowing how is something to embrace and dig into rather than get through
- dropping the thoughts of “just get this done and then you can…” and let this moment be utterly absorbing
- remembering there is always room for everything I am experiencing and feeling, I don’t have to make room
- many Life Organizer tiny mindfulness breaks (I stretch & feel my body; Bring up a memory of centered, creative immersion & linger there; Ask myself, “What do I most want right now?”; Listen to what arises.)
- morning meditation mostly before email (mostly)
This practice feels very profound for me, like I’m unwinding an ancient unhelpful pattern. I’m excited!
I’m launching the TeachNow program for 2014. To date, 1,006 students have taken TeachNow to rave reviews. If you want to teach anything or if you are teaching now and struggling, please come to the fre**EEEE class on April 3rd. It will be rich and useful. There will be a replay. Sign up here.
Also, I’ve been getting questions about the cost of the course, which includes 6 learning modules, an indexed Master Teacher Interview library of 48 interviews with Natalie Goldberg, Elizabeth Lesser, Mark Nepo, Meg Wheatley and so many more, and 5 live calls with me and my special guests Jeffery Davis, Randi Buckley, Pam Slim, and Tara Gentile, all for $378. With lifetime access. Bargain.
WHAT I’M READING
Healer by Carol Cassella
Very well constructed, smart page-turner that takes on immigration & biotech ethic issues. Cassella is a wonderful writer with a great ear for family life and marriage, and the book is set in one of my favorite places on earth. I was bugged with the main character who can’t stop whining about the loss of the family fortune. Her attitude at times marred this otherwise very compelling book. Still, I read it in one day and enjoyed it very much.
Desire Zoo by Alison Luterman
New poems by one of my favorite poets (and a friend, full disclosure). Alison’s poems “fortify my living” as Naomi Shihab Nye says in her review of the book. A must buy and a treasure.
WHAT I’M OBSESSING ABOUT
How to love being lost in writing a new book. How to love my saggy neck. How to love grief. How to love more and more…
“this blurred life with only moments caught
in attention’s loose sieve —
tiny pearls fished out of oblivion’s sea
laid out here as offering or apology or thank you” to quote Alison’s poem “Because These Failures Are My Job.”
Thank you for being connected with me.