It’s okay to give up for now
Want to get your bother on starting now?
Read the first chapter from my new book for a jolt of fresh perspective and possibility, and a radical reframe on what to do when you are feeling lost, blah, unmotivated, or burned out, in any area of your life or for any reason — even success!
This has been a year of cancellations, disappointments, loss, and a lot of “well, that’s-not-going-to-happen either.”
At first, I fought this. I kept scheming, “If the April retreat won’t happen, surely the September one will,” and “The spring family trip for Aidan’s graduation can’t happen, but we can all get together this fall.”
When I finally accepted nothing was going to happen, that everything I had planned was gone (including my 10-city book tour), when I truly accepted it, something lovely happened: I felt peaceful.
For about a week.
Then, I started to fall into “why bother?”
Why bother to ever teach retreats again?
Why bother to promote the book when the world is so crazy, and it’s so hard to break through?
Even (gasp) why bother to get out to vote when the country is so divided?
Here’s the thing:
There’s a profound difference between surrendering to what is vs. falling into the grubby kind of “why bother?”
I’m learning to navigate between the two. I think we all are.
Because if we confuse the short-term anxiety-tinged listlessness with why we bother about our lives, we’re not going to be in a good place at the end of this craziness.
I’m learning to feel my disappointment and heartache while dropping my stories: “I suck because _____ didn’t work” or “So and so promised me a big interview and it never happened. They suck!” This is an almost daily practice now.
Are you feeling your feelings and dropping the stories? Even a brief moment of this can be very healing.
I stopped thinking long term and started using phrases like “Just for now” and “For this month.”
With all the uncertainty, long-term thinking can be depressing. See what happens if you shorten your time frames.
I recognized my surge capacity has been depleted.
Likely, so has yours. Oasis members, we dove into this last Friday in the audio.
I saw the opportunity in traveling less and teaching less as a chance to rethink my business model. That got me to design my Non-Fiction Mastermind which sold out in four days. (Waitlist for next year is here.) I’m taking a course, with the brilliant Brian Clark, that’s helping me with my business. It’s one of the best courses I’ve ever taken.
What ways of doing things in your life, business, or job, are frayed or unfulfilling? Is it time to rethink, learn new ways of approaching the same issues, or to allow yourself to want more?
All of which has meant listening more attentively to what I desire. What do I really want to do in this next phase of my creative and work life? How do I want to serve?
With the heart of every transition is the need to rekindle pure desire. Without concern for outcome, let desire show you the way to what’s next.
Most of all, this time has meant seriously lowering the bar on what I expect of myself. Honor what I’m capable of and drop the rest. Even when other people tell me, “But you wrote the perfect book for this time. You must get it out there.”
Are you still expecting yourself to write the novel, clean the basement, homeschool the kids, read the classics, knit a car cover, and save the world? Or clean the kitchen, exercise, and not snap everyone’s heads off?
We will get through this, but who do we want to be on the other side? Maybe if we can reframe this time as a rambling exploration rather than a contest, we will be content with what happens after.