I’m Getting Married

Those are words I never thought I’d write again.

Me, getting married.

We met four years ago on Match.com. (His sister met her husband on Match too. Wild!) Both of us were simply looking for someone to have dinner with, maybe go for a hike. We’d both been on Match for a couple of weeks and were not digging it – it felt like person shopping and made us feel a little icky – so we were about to sign off when Bob sent me an email:

“Wow, you live on Bainbridge? Nobody single lives on Bainbridge. Want to have coffee?”

We meet, I liked him but not that way so on the sidewalk afterward, I said, “I’d love to be friends but we certainly don’t have a romance here.”

Oh Jen, so adorable when you make your definite predictions.

Of course, it turns out I was utterly wrong because within a few weeks we were inseparable, at least as inseparable as single parents of children can be.

It also turns out we both terrified of marrying again. We couched our fear – not dishonestly – in

“We’ve done marriage, had the babies, now we’re going to be modern. We’re going to stick it to the man and never get married.”

Yet underneath our 60’s counter-culture brio lurked – speaking only for myself now – my most ancient fear: that I am unlovable. Impossible to live with. Too intense, too dark, too much.

Fast forward four years and a few weeks. We’re spending a week on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala turning into bodies of bliss via meditation and yoga-bendiness. We’re climbing the stairs to our little bungalow when Bob says, “I have a treat for you. And a surprise.”

I bop up the stairs ahead of him. “Sweet!”

We sat on our porch with the warm wind from the lake tickling our cheeks and shared a bar of our favorite chocolate. Me thinking: what a thoughtful guy.

And then: a Rumi love poem recited through tears, a perfect ring slipped on my finger, and a declaration:

“I want you to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want the world to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

I cry. I exclaim. I am shocked. Did. Not. See. This. Coming.

This is the moment in which I throw myself into his arms and cry yes, yes, yes! A thousand times YES.

If only. Instead, I froze. That ancient fear I mentioned, that “you can’t love me” ick? It gripped me like Golem gripped the ring.

I sat there, barely breathing, as Bob waited for me to say yes.

I finally managed to stammer I was scared and I needed time to grow into my yes. I reassured him I was delighted and it was wonderful – amazing! – that he asked me, no really! – meanwhile, I felt… shuttered. Far away. Cold.

We finished our luscious retreat and set out for a week of gentle adventure through the magic, mystery and astonishing resiliency of Guatemala. Every once in awhile Bob would look at me quizzically and I would look at myself quizzically. Why was I so shut down?

As we traveled, I did my best to love and be kind to whatever part of me was so terrified. I breathed, I waited, I was as patient with myself as I could be.

It was a tad surreal – we were having an incredible trip and yet… there was this unspoken thing hovering between us.

And now we come to the last day of our trip. We’re in a splurge-y hotel room, getting dressed to take the flight home, and Bob asks, “What you are going to tell Lilly?”

I stutter something and he, gently but firmly, says,

“I don’t want to tell the kids anything. Nothing has to change. We can just go along as before.”

And then he adds,

“Pretend I didn’t ask.”

Sitting across the room from him, I felt two paths in front of me. One was the life I would live if I choose the story of being unlovable, of being intrinsically flawed. The other path was one of literal lightness – both in feeling and color – of knowing and sharing the ease of my essential goodness.

I could feel each path, each future, in my body. And then, it occurred to me that I had a choice.

I thought,

“Could it truly be this easy? Could I just decide to be happy?”

I blurted out (and I mean blurted),


Bob peered at me and slowly said,


I checked in and yes, there was THE biggest, THE brightest, THE ripest okay ever.

The whole room vibrated as we stared at each other.

“Okay then!’

Tears, hugs, more tears, long kiss, tension releasing belly laughs, then running for our plane with the dawning realization as we moved among people and settled into our seats: miracles happen.

Perhaps it is rare in life to see so clearly the choice between love and separation, between happiness and fear but perhaps not. Perhaps these kinds of miracles are waiting for us every day, even every moment.

This is my truth: a miracle happened. I choose to turn away from the brittle hackneyed story – a story that isn’t even mine but one I inherited along with my blue eyes and strong thighs – that I couldn’t say yes to the man I love because… how could he love me?

To say this decision – this leap into love – has changed everything – our relationship, our blended family, my work – is not an exaggeration.

I choose to be loved. I will choose it again and again and again.

I so hope you will, too.




Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

stacy - March 7, 2012

Wow, what an incredible story.

Congratulations!!!!!! 🙂

Wesley Satterwhite - March 7, 2012

Wow, that us HUGE. Good for you for making that choice…and for making the choice to choose again and again (because that is what marriage is really about isn’t it? choosing and choosing and choosing over days and months and years).


Julie Daley - March 7, 2012

Congratulations, beautiful You. You know how happy I am for you and Bob, and for all of us ’cause the more love the better, ya know?! xo

Madelyn - March 7, 2012

What a beautiful story!  It’s never too late to rewrite our acquired assumptions about ourselves and go for the gold.  You bravely chose the right road.  Congratulations to you and Bob and your children.  You have made my day 🙂

Debra Wenlock - March 7, 2012

Congratulations and thank you! So glad you made the happy choice.

bullwinkle - March 7, 2012


I got married for the first time 1 year ago, at age 49. I thought many things: I was unlovable, it was too late, my time had passed, and I was too logical (that  I wouldn’t recognize love), and I was too picky.  I learned that I am lovable, the time is now, I am too logical and my world is still shook up like a plastic snow globe tornado, and I am picky enough to respect myself, trust my instincts and be patient.

Leah Grace - March 7, 2012

Ah!!!  This is just stunning and beautiful story!  Thank you so much for sharing…..we just get to choose huh?  We just get to choose joy.

Sandi Amorim - March 7, 2012

“Too intense, too dark, too much.”…these words reached out and gripped me. They were/are my words, spoken and thought so often in my life. And, like you, I met my husband online, had a similar reaction when he asked me to marry him, hesitated and then said yes. 
But before the yes was the thought, “why ruin a good thing?” which was the cover-up for what, “Can he really love me?”

So thank you. For sharing your story with such love and courage and reminding me that it’s always a choice. 

And congratulations on your happy choice! 

    Megworden - March 7, 2012

    Oh gosh, Sandi. Me too. That “Too intense, too dark, too much.” stopped me cold. 
    That’s. Me. 

    And CONGRATULATIONS, JEN! Beautifully articulated beauty. xoxoxo

Kristin Noelle - March 7, 2012

Tears are streaming down my face. Thank for letting us see you.

Heaven McArthur - March 7, 2012

i don’t know you.. i only know a bit about you.. but i am crying joy-filled happy tears for you.   radiant blessings.

– heaven 

Candice Hayden - March 7, 2012

This. Is. Perfect.

Rhonda Steelman Meek - March 7, 2012

Love this!!

Christine Ashworth - March 7, 2012

Oh, how HAPPY I am for you both! Huge congrats and sending an outpouring of love and hugs to you…

sarahrobinson - March 7, 2012


Suzyn - March 7, 2012

Ohhhhh – congratulations!  You are so courageous, and I wish you every happiness!

Katherine Carey - March 7, 2012

Thrilled for You and Bob! A thousand times THRILLED!!!!

Suzane - March 7, 2012

Congratulations, Jen!!! Wishing you worlds of expanding love and happiness!

Jenn Gibson - March 7, 2012

Jen! Eeee! That’s beautiful, this is so so beautiful. Sending you & Bob so much love and my deepest congratulations.

Beagirl - March 7, 2012

Lovely! But when he said “pretend I didn’t ask” I thought you were responding “okay” to that, that he didn’t ask. But I guess not because you are getting married. Also, the kids probably know now! 

C. A. Kobu - March 7, 2012

Congratulations, Jen! And you are so damn lovable! Hugs 🙂

Maura - March 7, 2012

Congratulations.  And I have to tell you-this REALLY spoke to me as I am contemplating similar feelings!  Sometimes the universe really does send just what I need.  

Hannah Marcotti - March 7, 2012

This made my day. Seeing the two paths. Oh Jen, such happiness for you and Bob.

Stamptiques - March 7, 2012

Blessings, blessings, blessings, blessings…..

Laura Simms - March 7, 2012

Bwah! There is nothing so lovely as a messy, imperfect love story. Congratulations on leaping into love.

Michelle Fave - March 7, 2012

Hooray for the RIPEST YES!  what a wonderful opening to the heart and spirit!  wooohooo!

Jamie Wallace - March 7, 2012

Jen, I am so very, very happy for you – happy that you chose love, happy that you had the opportunity to sit at the crossroads until that “okay” ripened to its juiciest, burstingest, most nourishing and savorful okay ever. You are loved. You deserve to be loved. Your love is a gift and a treasure. I’m so glad you found someone who could see all of that. 
Congratulations to you both and to your whole family. Sending celebratory hugs and whoops your way! 

Kiki Murai - March 7, 2012

Just gorgeous. Soulfully and beautifully told by a woman who is all that.  Congratulations, Jen!

Linda - March 7, 2012

Sounds like I was reading my own story from 8 years ago. I met my husband online (e-Harmony) after I had vowed not to ever be married again. In opening up, a poem I had written almost 10 years before finally came true – I met my soul mate. No he wasn’t perfect, but he was perfect for me. 

Congrats to you both! I wish you many blessings for the future and the new adventures it holds for you.

Cynthia Morris - March 7, 2012

Sweetness, ripeness, opening, joy. Thank you for sharing this precious moment and the huge gully you had to leap over to accept the sweetness! 

Big ommmm bath from here!

Barbara - March 7, 2012

Dear Jen, Many congratulations to you both.  Thrilled for you. Never usually comment but always reading your blog.

Marcia (123blog) - March 7, 2012

Oh Jen, how I LOVED receiving your email. Not only is this fantastic news but you’re SUCH a great storyteller.

Congrats to both of  you and yes, you certainly are lovable.

Sue Thomson - March 7, 2012

Congratulations!! Enjoy your love-ability! Your writing and work always has so much love at it’s core, I feel it every time I read anything you write! Thanks for sharing you happy news!

Audrey Watson - March 7, 2012

Congratulations!  what a lovely choice

Mahala Mazerov - March 7, 2012

Jen, beautiful beautiful you! Your truth, your courage, staying with your heart, sharing it all with us. I am so happy for you!!! I love Bob without knowing him. I wish you every joy.

Lynne Mixson - March 7, 2012

Jen, this post – so real and so inspiring.  I am 47 and never married…had a 6+ year relationship end about 6 years ago, and I pretty much gave up on love.  Lately I’ve been reconsidering.  It is about choosing…choosing love, choosing to let go of old stories…choosing to love ourselves, just as we are.  Many years of many blessings to Bob and you…and to me and my Beloved.  Thank you so much for sharing.

Amber Krzys - March 7, 2012

So awesome. Congratulations! Thank you for sharing the news and your story so openly. Wishing you tremendous love and joy!

shellbellcraig - March 7, 2012

Whenever I read anything you write, I feel this ‘gut’ reaction like “I get her; I’m like her. We are SO good at honoring, empowering and loving others. Why is it a daily/weekly challenge to love ourselves.” Your authenticity about your feelings is freeing to me. I think part of loving ourselves is ‘knowing’ we may have to re-love ourselves all over each day. I too, met my husband on-line and we married last December in the Bahamas; dreamy. I had my ‘guard’ up with him from the moment I met him. Why would he love someone like me; I have issues; too independent; moody; picky; indecisive; looking old (I’m 44; he’s 39), etc. Your work helps me realize we all struggle, in varying degrees, with truly embracing WHO we are; warts and all. I’m not a lone ranger! Thanks and enjoy your journey! 🙂

Gwyn Michael - March 7, 2012

Much love and well wishes to you and Bob, Jen. I am so very glad you chose to lose the old story. I am in that place as well for far different reasons. Let us travel into wholeness!

Dinah - March 7, 2012

Very beautiul story shared in such an inspiring way.  Many enchanted blessings to your both.

Marytjohn - March 7, 2012

Congratulations, Jen!

Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady - March 7, 2012

Oh, what happy and wonderful news!  So happy for you!  

Patrice - March 7, 2012

Such joyful news! Congratulations to you both. With every post you send, I thank you for your honesty and your power to soothe and ease the insecurities in us all. Your words transform and lift us higher! Blessings forever.

Kimberly - March 7, 2012

Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing this wonderful news, and insight into LIFE! As only you can. 🙂

KayV62 - March 7, 2012

So very thrilled and completely happy for you and your fiance, Bob. Yay for great news!

Sarah Wilson - March 7, 2012

“Pretend I didn’t ask.”


If you would have had your windows open, you would have heard it. 

SO happy for you both. no, ALL.

EmilyS - March 7, 2012

OhIi have so loved reading that! Thank you for putting your story out, it’s inspirational – as ever. I remember the moment I chose love, I was with my (now) husband and had been rolling over in my head for months about how it wasn’t the perfect relationship and I suddenly realised, if I keep on with this perfection-hunt, I’m going to be cold and lonely all my life. It felt like the scales fell from my eyes, and suddenly I saw all the ways he is beautiful, amazing, generous, fun, loving – everything everyone else could see but I was focussed on the tiny annoying details. I cried for a long time, giving up on my ‘perfect’ dream, but in that moment I also chose life, and love, and have not regreted it one moment since. May you be truly happy xxx

Jane Carroll - March 7, 2012

Thank you so much for sharing this…I so need to hear it…on so many levels…be happy…you deserved to be loved…

Ingrid - March 7, 2012

Dear lovable, beautiful, wonderful you!!! Today I was sitting under the dryer at the hairdresser’s, checking email on my new (the kids say I can handle this) android phone.  WOW.  Your story of love and of accepting love has made me so happy.  I’m still happy from it.  I feel the ripples of love and goodness and rejoicing flowing all over the world!  Thanks so much for writing such a beautiful story, and for sharing this moment in your life with the rest of us!  Love, Ingrid

Grace Mendez - March 7, 2012

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful news. Congratulations!

Beth - March 7, 2012

Congratulations Jen! My whole day feels different now. So happy for you. So happy for all of us who find a wonderful partner who “gets” us! I’m going to call mine right now and tell him I love him.

Chriszydel - March 7, 2012

Dearest Jen,

Big, huge heartfelt congratulations on your choice, once again to choose love over fear. And for your courage in letting us into the thick of your process as you share the gnarly, scary parts of opening to love.Even though I made the choice to marry the love of my life over 15 years ago, that unlovable place inside of me still shows up for continued healing … over and over again. And listening to your story simply reminds me how universal this dance of opening again and again to  love is!!

 Thank you….  You are a wonder… and I adore you from the bottom of my heart! 

Alana - March 7, 2012

This brought tears to my eyes and made my heart do a happy dance.

I chose love – really chose it – almost 8 years ago when my shiny new marriage imploded. I realized in those heavy, heart-achey moments that I could walk away and start again, pretending everything was “his fault” while really believing it was mine, or I could dig in and choose to love both of us enough to grow and heal and allow myself to be seen, to be loved. 7 years, two miscarriages, a stillbirth, a beautiful child and many other hurdles later, I know that every.single.day I get to make that choice again. Walk away or choose love. For me, love is always worth it.

carmen - March 7, 2012

yoiu captured my feeling to the T
than you
enjoy your journey

JKBrown - March 7, 2012

Jen, I have to say first I don’t normally comment on any blog, but I was so moved by your announcement that I just had to let you know! I’ve read almost all of your books and your blog for years now and it makes me feel a connection (I know completely on my part) with you. So I want to say YAY!!! for you and Best Wishes!

Debra Eve - March 7, 2012

This is so gorgeous, Jen! I’m so happy for you and Bob. I’m an old hippy myself, didn’t tie the knot until age 46. It meant so much to my much-younger hubby and now I understand the ritual, the choice and the difference it can make. Congrats!

cindy - March 7, 2012

Wow!  Good for you!  God bless and enjoy each other.

Erica Staab - March 7, 2012

So powerful and sounds like a direct response to my prayer that I was praying last night… which story do I choose… and this… this story… this honesty… this place that you hold for the truth of you, the love you share and the vulnearability that you honored it split my heart right open and YES… I will choose the path of love and bravery… thank you for the reminder, the hope and the love!

Viviane Abt - March 7, 2012


already sent congrats on facebook and wanted to add it again here. 

 i am thrilled for you, bob, and your family.  

and i am so moved by your story.  it is so so so similar to when my dear husband surprised me with a proposal and i too froze with  similar  doubts. 

I love what you wrote-

“THE biggest, THE brightest, THE ripest okay ever”
“I choose to be loved. I will choose it again and again and again.
I so hope you will, too.”

 YES- let’s all choose love.  🙂 

thank you for sharing this LEAP  in your life.   

Shil22 - March 7, 2012

OMG.  So beautiful, so real.  Thank you and a big Congratulations! for saying okay and choosing the path you’re on.

When in doubt? Chose Love. | - March 7, 2012

[…] got a gorgeous email in my Inbox from Jen Louden today that inspired me to jump up and dance! And sing spontaneously! And be brave enough to put it […]

christinecastigliano - March 7, 2012

Here’s a spontaneous song of gratitude for you and your beautiful story, on video!


Anne Marie Bennett - March 7, 2012

Oh dear Jen, CONGRATULATIONS!  Both of my nephews met wonderful women on Match.com and they are both getting married THIS year too.  I am offering gratitude and joy to the heavens in the name of Jen and Bob, right now, full moon and all! Love, Anne Marie

Amber McCue - March 7, 2012

Congratulations!! What a wonderful story.  I particularly loved this line: “Could it truly be this easy? Could I just decide to be happy?”   

Nathalie Lussier - March 7, 2012

Congratulations Jen and thank you for sharing that story. You have no idea how much I relate to the counter-culture anti-marriage thing, but how much it can be  a way to shut parts of ourselves down too. Thank you, thank you for being you, for opening up to the possibilities, and for sharing with you as you continue to walk the path.

And congratulations!!

Randi Pierce - March 7, 2012

This rocks Jen! Thanks for sharing this – helped me tremendously : )

Kelly Diels - March 7, 2012

oh beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Sideways proposals and delayed answers are real life love stories. 

(My December miracle: my loverloverman, who never ever wanted to get married again, blurted, “Don’t freak out but I want to get married.” I paused and asked, “To me?” And yes, he said, he wants to marry me.)

Thank you for sharing your real life love story. Miracles happen.

Sue Mitchell - March 7, 2012

First of all, huge congratulations and hugs to you both!

I also have to laugh. When I read that you met on Match.com, I immediately thought, “Wow! Can you imagine meeting someone online and having it turn out to be JEN LOUDEN?!” You are such a prize, Jen.

It’s also funny because just the other day, I was listening to one of the TeachNow interviews and you referred to Bob as “my beloved.” Which I thought was such a nice way of phrasing it when someone is more than your boyfriend but not your husband. I hope you will continue to use that term at least some of the time. 🙂

Thanks for sharing this love story with us!

Francisca de Zwager - March 7, 2012

Way to go, Jen. Way to choose to trash the old tape, to choose love over fear, love over loneliness. I met my soul mate 27 years ago, but it took three years to recognize him. We’ve lived (and are living) a very unconventional life, but throughout the years we prioritized our love and relationship. And although that meant foregoing business opportunities for the sake of being together, I can’t imagine any other way. May your love for yourself and for Bob grow with each passing day.

Elizabeth - March 7, 2012

I am teary. Thank you for letting us share in the story. Somehow, it makes me feel hopeful that I can remember this and choose to be loved myself.

Congratulations! I am wishing you every happiness.

Billiegt - March 7, 2012

I am weeping with you, Jen, and laughing……Congratulations to you both………..

Elese Coit - March 7, 2012

I love you Jen. This hit my heart dead center.  Huge hugs, Elese

thehappyturtle - March 8, 2012

I’m so very happy for you. ”
 I choose to turn away from the brittle hackneyed story – a story that isn’t even mine” is my key phrase from your post. God bless you.

drmolliemarti - March 8, 2012

Oh, Jen! SO happy for all of you. CONGRATULATIONS!!

Such a beautiful story of how Bob held space for you to feel all you were feeling and find your way through it…and how you wisely loved yourself through this whole process up to the point you could clearly see the paths of your choice.

Wishing you great happiness together! 🙂

Cherry - March 8, 2012

Congratulations. I hope that one day very,very soon I see the choice so clearly and that I choose love.
Wonderful, happy story.

Renee Trudeau - March 8, 2012

Oh this makes me so happy Jen–how beautiful and connected you two look. Thank you for sharing this and opening/softening my heart on this sweet Thursday morning. Yay for choosing love over fear!!!!

Julie McElroy Mayone - March 8, 2012

You go girl!!!  Hurray for you!  It is a choice and it’s one to make everyday.  We met our fellers the same way and almost at the same time.  I am a very happily married woman now and am always in awe of it.  So happy for you!

Rene' - March 8, 2012

Yay for you!! I am wiping away happy tears as I read your wonderful account. Don’t we all ask ourselves, “Am I worthy?” …and the resounding answer is”‘Hell, Yes!!!”

Rachel - March 8, 2012

Congratulations!! This is so exciting!  I’m so happy for you, perhaps most of all because you opened yourself to the possibility that you are loveable… and that you are!!! (I also love that you shared your story, as I feel better about “ruining the moment” when my husband asked me to marry him — long story, but a good one!)

Bahieh - March 8, 2012

OMG. love love love this post.

Am adding my  voice to the 122 before me to say: CONGRATULATIONS!!! Wishing you happiness forever and evermore.

And this part:

“Tears, hugs, more tears, long kiss, tension releasing belly laughs, then running for our plane with the dawning realization as we moved among people and settled into our seats: miracles happen.” 

pure beauty.

Wishing you all the best…

… And, uh, thanks for sharing with me. 😉

Karen Talavera - March 8, 2012

I will never forget meeting you at Writer’s Spa 2008 and specifically how new and nervous and shy you were about Bob – I think we was in some far-flung place like Kazakstan or Mongolia at the time – and you would actually be able to talk to him on your cell and were giddy like a teenager in love . . . it was so honest and endearing.

Now to see your relationship blossom like this brings me joy and renews my own feelings of love for my honey. Wishing you a thousand yes’s and more to choosing happiness every time. Yeah, how often do we get questions and choices this *in your face* put to us? Thanks for the reminder that in every moment we have choice, and miracles. Every moment!

Alex Blackwell - March 8, 2012

Congratulations Jen -best wishes for a very happy life together.


Alexis Neely - March 8, 2012

Congratulations!!! So happy for both of you and your families.  Yes, you deserve love!  I’m so glad you chose it and you shared the clarity of that choice with us here.  I know it will help so many others who are facing the choices that make up our lives.

Jamie Ridler - March 8, 2012

Oh, yes, a thousand times yes. Rose petal blessings and sparkling wishes of joy to you both. I believe.

@kariwoojewelry - March 8, 2012

that made me laugh then cry and then laugh and then cry again! thanks for sharing. found your site searching for something else and am so happy to have discovered! i married my soul mate almost 4 years ago now and it was one of the most amazing, best things i’ve ever done. Love.

Cheri - March 8, 2012

I needed to read your words in exactly the way you wrote them on exactly this day. thank you for sharing your dark and scary side . . . the part of you that is afraid of being unlovable.  You . . . one of the most loveable people out there feels unlovable!  Shring this with us heals us all.
With much love,

Char Brooks - March 8, 2012

Oh Mazel Tov!!!!!  So very happy for you Jen.

Thank you for sharing this, in all its vulnerability and realness, with us.

Anne DeMarsay - March 8, 2012

Oh, Jen, just heard the news from Char and checked in here for the story. Wishing you and Bob lasting happiness and love. Miracles DO happen!

stephanie clifton - March 9, 2012

listening to you on http://rightbrainersinbusiness.com and reading your story here.  multi-tasking.  probably why i am not rising in any particular direction.  but i am inspired by your story because i am on the brink of a BIG turning of events in both  relationship to business and to intimate relationship.  of course it is perfect that i landed here to read your story.  CONGRATULATIONS Jennifer.  thanks for sharing your practical rich and loving SELF!!!


Susannah Conway - March 10, 2012

I am in tears right now, Jen. so happy for you.. for your leap and trust into love. Into being loved. and becoming aware of what fears and old stories i am holding on to. so tears for both of us. thank you, honey xxxx

Julia Aspinwall - March 11, 2012

Amazing healing story! Congratulations and thank you for choosing love.

Kate - March 11, 2012

Congratulations! I said yes because i was afraid he would not ask again, and then I spent a week feeling like complete crap, complete panic, worried about everything I had every history of needing to worry about– loss of self, fear of failure, fear of love not being enough…. for me it was a slow turning toward my yes. and now, a gift each day I am so glad I had the courage to say yes to, even if all the scared failed-before fear of loss parts of me were not quite ready.  I had made myself a promise that I would only marry if it were an expression of a connection I had already forged, not in hopes of one that I imagined.  Here’s to celebrating the reality of a relationship! 

Tribe love : 03.09.12 | Roots of She - March 12, 2012

[…] Sitting across the room from him, I felt two paths in front of me. One was the life I would live if I choose the story of being unlovable, of being intrinsically flawed. The other path was one of literal lightness – both in feeling and color – of knowing and sharing the ease of my essential goodness. I could feel each path, each future, in my body. And then, it occurred to me that I had a choice. […]

Sharon E. Greene - March 17, 2012

Hi, Jen and Bob,
I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to learn of your life- and love-embracing decision! I know full well the qualms one has about opening up to the vulnerability inside, the echo of past voices that tell us that we’ll never be good enough, never be lovable in the way that we can believe is really true. And, yet, sometimes it happens (and in the way least expected!). In my case, after the demise of a 20 year relationship that almost killed me emotionally and psychologically, I moved to a different city to take a “dream job” and try to start a different life from the one I placed my faith and my future in. I knew no one except the people who had hired me. I maintained long-distance friendships with two wonderful male friends, but it was clear that these relationships would never lead to anything permanent. And, that was okay with me. After what I’d been through, I was done with commitment. Then, I met my across-the-hall neighbor who shared my love of ethnic food, and was kind enough to show me where the Indian and Japanese and Middle Eastern shops were. He made me sushi; I made him Indian curry. He fed my cat when I traveled and made sure my lights were turned on when I came back late from a trip. A true jewel of a man. He wanted to take things more seriously; I thought he was out of his mind. Where I saw differences between us that made me fearful (different culture [South African]; different religion [he’s Jewish; I’m nothing]; age difference (he’s considerably younger), he saw promise and possibilities. After another year (can’t say I wasn’t deliberate!), I finally overcame my fears and took the plunge. We’ve been married for over 8 years and it’s been the most joyful, serene and deeply rewarding years of my life.

So, Jen and Bob, all the best to you in your new life together. Sometimes, we just have to “live into it” to truly see what’s possible. May all blessings be upon you.

Erica Holthausen - March 18, 2012

Beautiful. And honest. And wonderful. Congratulations!

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