How to Get the Patriarchy out of your Head so you Can Write & Create

Mar 30, 2022

When a creative woman sits down to make her work, she may be distracted by a low internal rumble, like an old fridge on the fritz, that sputters,

“You don’t know enough.
Go do more research.
Get another degree.
Ask someone for their opinion.
Only then you can write or paint or launch your biz.”

Dear person who identifies as a woman, if you hear said rumble, please DO NOT blame yourself because as you know what?

The patriarchy began about 12,00 years ago so it’s been a minute or two of being subjugated.

Which is my fancy way of saying: it ain’t you.

Here’s a party trick way to turn feeling like you don’t know enough on its penis-shaped little head: when your internal Itty-Bitty-Shitty-Committee pipes up with “Go do more research” or “Who do you think you are to create that?” ask yourself,

“What would an average white guy write/create?”

This works!

I did it writing this piece in which my Committee told me I was sounding shrill and might hurt a guy’s feelings reading this. Jesus Mary and Joseph, that voice is so full of crapola.

I swear on my tattered copy of Men Explain Things to Me that you know enough to write what you want to write…

…and you know enough to launch the business, to show up at the board meeting, to talk about climate change, to sell your paintings.

Any worry and uncertainty you feel is not, I repeat NOT, because you don’t know enough but because you’ve internalized a system of oppression that evolved over 12,000 years and works to convince you you’re powerless.

But you aren’t. Ever.

Take up the power of your voice today and make what only you can make.

It’s okay if it makes you tremble and you still hear those voices.

Flip them a bird or say “Bless your heart for trying to keep me safe” (depending on your mood), lean on your creative friends, and most of all?

Keep going.

We all thank you.


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From the national best-selling author of The Woman’s Comfort Book and Why Bother.

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