How to Build More of the Life You Want


There is one thing that held me back for more than 20 years in creating the business I wanted.

One thing I consistently did that meant I had less impact, served fewer people, and made less money.

I feel a hot blush of shame writing this so taking a deep breath…

That one thing that held me back? Not allowing myself to ask for what I wanted. What I did instead:

  • Limp along, not taking the time to build the right team or nurture connections with powerful colleagues.
  • Not make clear requests of people working for me.
  • Not slow down to create the systems and “story of my business” that allowed other people to bring their full talents to bear.
  • Tell myself “I should have done this a long time ago and since I didn’t, now it’s too late.” (Talk about circular logic!)

Slowly but surely, over the last three years, I have unwound this crabby ancient pattern and the results have been truly incredible. Increased impact, more revenue, less last-minute “holy shit” moments that make me sick with anxiety, and best of all? Me owning what I want.

Me standing in my desires, saying, “This is the truer life I want. This is the world I want to build & shape.” That’s a fundamental part of changing our lives and our world. That’s how you get more of the life you want: owning what you want! Dare to want it.

It’s so fundamental, so obvious, and so damn terrifying. From thinking you want too much and can’t make it happen (and you can’t, not exactly) to thinking you want too little and are settling (who says? it’s up to you!), to the almost universal story, “Who am I to ____?”

This last week I unwound my old pattern in a big way. I convened an actual in-the-flesh meeting with my team (+ 2 very cool bonus kids).


This was a HUGE, huge step for me. To believe in myself and my projects enough to fly my two assistants to my house and spend three days meeting and dreaming just for me and my ideas, my projects? Gulp. Head rush. High five.

Here’s another HUGE thing that happened – I made an 18-month plan. ME! To even write that makes my heart rev. I have for so long resisted any timelines because again, it meant declaring, “I want this. I’m willing to want this with all my heart and put in the grit to back it up.” I am. I know what I want. I’m seeing it through.

Want what you want. Own it. Enlist others. Make it public. Put resources into your desire (without being aspirational or going into serious debt). Convene a mastermind like mine – a huge factor in changing my pattern. Trade for help. Stop looking to others to tell you want to do and trust your desires.

Whatever it looks like, ask for what you want. Okay?!!



I dare to ask for support for my desires and goals. I dare to want what I want. (Click to Tweet)

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Katy - July 20, 2014

Great idea! I think we often forget just how much power comes from 1) making an actual decision and 2) declaring what we want.

Jenn Whiteford Givler - July 20, 2014

I love this. I so relate to what you say about making plans. I’m in this exact space at this exact time as well… very cool to be in good company 😉

Terilyn - July 20, 2014


Meg Ward - July 21, 2014

For a very, very long time in my life I didn’t even know I had to ask! I remember being the only girl scout with no badges because no one ever came up and told me it was my turn to work for one. I genuinely didn’t know I could just go out and do it. Once I understood, asking for help was a whole new challenge!
Making your intentions public can be so intimidating, but also so powerful because it forces you to be clear.
Thanks Jen, this is a great reminder!

curvyyoga - July 21, 2014


Alison Gresik - July 21, 2014

I have found that enacting my wants in my business is a level up from enacting them in my personal life and creative life. Somehow I feel more entitled when my desires just affect me and my immediate family, but when they involve clients and customers and staff, it’s a lot harder to go after them! Thanks for sharing your part of this story.

Andrea Williams - July 21, 2014

Beautiful evolution, Jenn. You’ve always “shown up” up for others; lovely to see you serve and savor for your own desires and aspirations. Inspirational. Thank you.

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