Are Expectations Killing You?

Hi Dear Heart,

I recorded a spontaneous video today — without good lighting or even lipstick (which when you’ve been raised in the south by a beautiful belle is a strangely big deal) to make a heart-point about how expectations may be squashing your happiness and stopping you.

Spend 2 minutes with me and use your expectations and mean inner voices as a doorway into freedom. Wild I know!

Thanks and love,

Jen

[iframe src=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/wncJvB0YLqw?rel=0&showinfo=0″ frameborder=”0″ width=”480″ height=”360″]

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P.P.S. If your on Bainbridge join me this Saturday, March 2!

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Irena Gallo - February 28, 2013

Jen: Loved this video. From my perspective, you will never need fancy video accoutrements, or even lipstick, for me to watch. What I love most about your videos is watching the always-authentic and genuine you, who speaks from the heart and always inspires and makes me think, and rethink (and I love when anyone can do this!) and reconnect with myself.
Watching you is like being in a room with a friend (albeit an extremely creative and communicative one, which is rare) who has much to share and enjoys sharing it. THAT is far more relevant and engaging than fancy-schmancy graphics, production values, etc. You cannot create what you bring to your videos and what you offer needs no enhancement.
Thanks, Jen!

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    Oh Irena, what a kindness you just gave me. thank you!!

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Sue Rose - February 28, 2013

Hand on heart…sending you love,and me love…here…now. Thank you for this.
Sue 🙂

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    Thank you Sue!

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Isabel - February 28, 2013

Oh, Jen, I needed that SO MUCH! Thank you. Love love love.

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    you bet, happy to be of use!

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Amanda Fall - February 28, 2013

Mmm . . . thank you for this kindness, this warmth. It’s often easier to be gentle with others than with ourselves, isn’t it? Another surprising thing I’ve learned about expectations is that I sometimes focus so tightly on what I think is Good or Should Be that I miss the unexpected beauty unfolding right before me, right in the midst of my mess. Sometimes our perfectly imperfect answer is already here, not somewhere far off and lofty.

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    well said Amanda – thank you for sharing that.

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Donna Davies Brackett - February 28, 2013

Exhale.
Thanks Jen. Another example of the perfect thing at the perfect time. Thank you.

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    ah good!!!

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Diana Schmied - February 28, 2013

This was wonderful. I know that if I get caught up in expectations and shoulda coulda woulda I get frozen in inaction. I am ever so slowly learning that my “voice” doesn’t have to be the best or the most insightful or the loudest — that the universe needs my “voice” because it’s mine. (even with writing comments — I often tend to get stuck in “I don’t have anything unique to say or anything that needs to be said” and don’t comment — but I know I always LOVE reading ANY comments on my own blog or other posts that I make, so here you go!)

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    thank you for overcoming your mean voices to write these kind words to me!

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Caroline - February 28, 2013

This was perfect for me today. Thank you. I, too, am dealing with physical therapy that requires me to make time at home to do things to help me heal. And besides these things, I am supposed to exercise and meditate and do yoga and go to appointments and care for my kids and run a household and…and…and. Thank you for inviting me to try this practice with you. Because those feelings of blame…or of trying to be the valedictorian of everything I’m “supposed” to be doing (and failing…vicious cycle) just keep beating me down.

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Karly Randolph Pitman - February 28, 2013

I love your encouragement to be gentle with myself. Thank you Jen. I love your humanity and love your vulnerability for sharing it. XO

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ProfJLB - February 28, 2013

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh … I feel better now … it works! Thank you, Jen. 🙂

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    it does doesn’t it!!

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Anna Gardner - February 28, 2013

Dear Jen,
It’s been several years since Taos and you’ve continued to inspire me so often via your generous and honest blog. Today’s video, every word and gesture – from chauffering Mom to soup bowl – went straight to MY besieged heart as I deal with impending litigation over John’s death AND recovering from a life-threatening fall six months ago (still physio 4 times/week!) The journey through grief to reopen my heart continues, and your vulnerable public offering of this powerful practice of compassion was another step on the way. Thank you. For you – being you.

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    Anna may your heart feel supported. Grief is such a human, hard journey. Thank you for being in my life.

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PKidd - February 28, 2013

Thank you, Jen, for this beautiful and timely message! And everyone for your responses. I’ve been struggling on different levels this week and today has been about reminding myself that I AM LOVE – unconditional and unlimited – and giving
thanks for this gift of LIFE, even in the midst of feeling lousy and lethargic. Your authentic and compassionate sharing is part of today’s (and everyday’s) journey that I hold close. I wanted to reach back and connect in love and gratitude. Patryce

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    jenlouden - February 28, 2013

    thanks for the connection – I feel it and appreciate it so!

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Liz Lamoreux - February 28, 2013

Yes. This.
Please more videos. I love to see your face, hear your words, be right here together showing up as us.
Yes.

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Jan Shannon - February 28, 2013

Thank you for not giving me something else to live up to, or compare myself to; for being so human and vulnerable and honest. For being brilliant even when you’re not spiffy and shiny. You give me such permission to come as I am, and to begin to love myself right there. You are a gift, truly.

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Paula - March 1, 2013

Thank you. I need to watch this every day. Thank you for continuing to provide a counterpoint to more, better, faster. We can’t hear it enough.

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Monica McCarthy - March 1, 2013

Hi Jen! THANK YOU for bringing up such a wonderful point about video and expectations. I make professional videos for a living as well as coach people how to create engaging videos themselves. Most of my clients in the latter category A) Don’t realize how much is involved in trying to make a video look professional and B) focus on the aesthetics rather than the content (that is- until I convince them otherwise!). As long as we can see you, hear you, and connect with the message, you’ve done your job! The rest is icing on the cake:)

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Karla - March 1, 2013

Thanks so much for this message. I am in the process of trying to create big changes in my life (mostly career-wise) and listen to a lot of webinars about how to facilitate change. When it doesn’t seem to be happening, I start beating myself up about it, and then the fear starts to creep in. Not a fun place to be to create positive changes! Your words bring so much comfort and a reminder to love myself where I am at, and this sel-love (unconditional!) is probably the big lesson of my life. Thank you.

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Deborah - March 1, 2013

Love this, Jen, and YOU, for making me feel so validated and met with the approval to know that my Inner Expectation Queen does not run the show. I may need to place my hands over my heart the majority of the day today, to get the hang of this and take your advice, “meeting me where I am.” Beautifully done (even without lipstick!)

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    jenlouden - March 4, 2013

    hand on heart, bowing to you.

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Jen - March 1, 2013

As a mother who lives in suburbia (in the South) I feel like there are lots and lots of expectations. Thank you for letting me sit back. breathe. smile. Oh and btw you look pretty darn fantastic in bad lighting, no makeup , and in a old sweater 🙂

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    jenlouden - March 4, 2013

    oh darling, thank you (writing this wearing same old sweater)

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dee - March 1, 2013

Lovely post… your vulnerability and wisdom combining in a moving way. Thank you. After returning a puppy to his breeder yesterday, I am sitting with what an expensive and misguided decision I made to adopt the critter in the first place… I keep looking for reasons why it was the right thing to bring him back (our older dog would have NONE of it; it would very much cramp the empty nest which is on the horizon….) or for profound lessons learned… when really, I could just breathe with it – as you suggest.

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    jenlouden - March 4, 2013

    yes, breathing with our mis-steps, so important, so easy to get all tight and heavy about it rather than let the imperfect nature of life pierce us and shape us. Lots of love!

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Jackie Rasmus - March 2, 2013

That was just brilliant! Thankyou

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    jenlouden - March 4, 2013

    thanks Jackie!

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Ang Wilson - March 9, 2013

thank you Jen for being REAL! Grounded, brave and honest. And of course wonderful. the world sure needs more of it. And lights and flashy fancy pants things cannot make REAL
You are amazing and make THIS world better
Ax

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    jenlouden - March 10, 2013

    thanks for being so amazing yourself!

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      jenlouden - March 10, 2013

      I just watched the last episode of season 3 of DA. Wow. Bummed.

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        Ang Wilson - March 12, 2013

        yeah me too (on both fronts watching and bummed) Bates is the dark side?? bring on season 4

        Reply
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Chel - March 27, 2013

Thank you so very much for being authentic. More more more! More regular videos from the heart. Less flash. If I want flash, I’ll turn on TV. I want real, and you just gave me some. Thank you, thank you.

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