This month was all about seeing a behavior of mine I do not like at all. Mom had an infection in her colon (enough said) and Bob spent a few weeks really, really sick. When the people I love are sick, I get brusque. A little cold. I know, not very becoming or womanly.
When Lilly was little, Chris was the go-to person when she was sick. When Chris and Dad had cancer, I was the best person to take to the doctor, armed with my questions, and the worst person to wake up at 3 am, when your fever spiked. It feels like some very young part of me gets triggered and I’m terrified I’m going to be trapped.
This is not pretty to share but here is why I tell you – this month I made progress! I breathed into that “let me out of here” feeling and… I stayed a little longer. I relaxed a tiny bit. I’m not claiming I climbed into a hammock with my fear or it went away (ha) but I eased off. Softened. I think Bob would say, “You still got work to do here, babe,” and that would be true. And I’m proud I made progress.
The older I get, the more staying with my discomforts, relaxing right here, makes it a very good day indeed.
Come see me in Seattle next week!
I’m giving a talk about being enough – how do we live enoughness in daily ways that ground us in life AND make it easier to create all we want to create? It’s going to be powerful.
Most Popular Blog Posts in May
Tips for beginning a project + a video of me crying
This one had a big impact.
You Are Abandon-Proof
A true reminder for all of us.
What are you devoted to?
Notice what happens when you live by what you are devoted to.
What I’m Reading
I’m studying memoirs. Here’s my current list:
Poser: My Life in Twenty-Three Yoga Poses by Claire Dederer
Claire lives on Bainbridge and is just wonderful. My second time reading this. I am studying: her metaphors, humorous voice, and the slow reveal of what’s bugging her and how yoga will, or won’t, help.
Paradise in Plain Sight by Karen Maezen Miller
I always appreciate encountering Karen on social media or in her writing. Her clear mind and heart ring true. I am studying: weaving personal story with teaching, how to write short sections without forcing the point, clarity.
The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman
I took a writing class from Hope Edelman once many years ago and liked her immensely, but I did not like the Hope so much who is a character in this memoir. I am studying: how do you reveal your “character” honestly while keeping the reader engaged? The importance of including enough “ordinary reality” before the shit hits the fan, and how to “drip” your dawning awareness without appearing annoying obtuse (which you were when the events actually happened).
And then I let myself have a little fiction treat, which is currently:
The Bees by Laline Paull
So far, what a wild book – I didn’t want to put it down last night but still have a ways to read. “Imagine a story similar to Margaret Atwood’s A Handmaid’s Tale but told from the perspective of an insect..”
Final Thoughts
Why not you? That thought came to me while writing earlier this week. It felt so real and important. Next time you are doubting yourself or someone is doubting you, sincerely ask, “Why not me?” See what comes to you.
Love,
Jen
