“What do I have to contribute? I’m no one special.”
Yesterday late afternoon, I made a video about how I savored and served the world yesterday in the face of the Japanese disaster.
I didn’t have the energy to write a post until this morning but the forums were buzzing at Savor & Serve Cafe with “What do I do?” with this magnitude of suffering, and so I quick shared the video with my gals.
Then I woke up this morning thinking, “Don’t share that video on the blog. It’s dippy and flobby and who are you to talk about suffering?”
I made tea and came up here to my studio, wondering what I would write, and found this email from a Cafe member:
I just finished watching your video (twice) and wanted to say thanks for helping me have a good cry. I’ve been holding it in all day in an attempt to keep my daughter calm. I listened to your voice and the tears began. It took a lot of energy to keep myself sitting here listening. I wanted to get up and do something, anything, so I wouldn’t have to feel the sadness and powerlessness and desire to make it all better.
I watched a second time. I can really see those places where I abandon everything, especially myself, in the face of these momumental moments and I suspect I use these as a shadow comfort to keep myself in check – What do I REALLY have to contribute? I’m no one special.
How do you get on the other side of that? Can you EVER get on the other side of that?
On a happy note though, I am more frequently saying to myself, “How can I savor this moment?” when I’m feeling overwhelmed or confused or even when I’m not sure how I’m feeling. It’s been very illuminating.
I had to laugh – the voice that says “What do I have to contribute?” is so sly! It’s the critic in new clothes. But instead of telling us not to write or paint or talk to our partner about what we need, it’s whispering, “What do you have to contribute? You’re no one special.”
Since when did we need to be someone special to serve?
Critic, we’ve got your number. We are on s.hero’s journey to authentically serve our corners of the world. We will not hide, we will not collapse, we will not give it to you, and if we momentarily doubt ourselves, like I did today, we have each other to hip check you out of the way.
Roar! Jai! Get the hell out of our way!
Getting to other side of our self-doubt turns out to be the first part of this experiment! Who knew?
Now the video. Can’t see it? Click here.