Shauna Niequist is the author of Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way, and Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes.  Shauna writes about the beautiful and broken moments of everyday life–friendship, family, faith, food, marriage, love, babies, books, celebration, heartache, and all the other things that shape us, delight us, and reveal to us the heart of God.

I sat down for a chat with Shauna this week that was warm and lovely as her & her new book Bread & Wine. What I love about the conversation – and I hope you will, too – is how Shauna holds the spiritual and the practical, the messy and the beautiful. She talks like she writes – sensory details and stories galore. We touch on:

• What does writing and cooking have in common?
• How her cooking changed when her husband found he couldn’t tolerate gluten. And what that taught her about hospitality.
• The sacred juncture for Shauna between sharing her table and her faith.
• If she really has slow, meaningful dinners with her family.
• How she is modulating between feast and fasting now days (a little different than in the book).
• How it feels to change after you have written a book but the book remains the same.

Plus lots more. This is a good one folks (But really, I think all the interviews are!)

And I really did stay up too late reading Bread & Wine
and loved it.  And you know, I’m no cook.

Download audio here.

Love,
Jen

I was lucky to lead a group coaching call this week that gave me some fresh thoughts on confidence which I share in the video below, thoughts like:

• How we can confuse lack of confidence with lack of experience.
• How confidence changes as we age.
• Why lack of confidence can be a good thing – no, really!
• And a few more thoughts. Plus you can see a little of my new space. And my new scarf!

I hope this video is useful.

P.S. The Creative Joy Playbook is getting rave reviews. Did you know it contains a Magic Ticket inside designed to foster your creativity and possibly win you free tuition to our October retreat with photography Tracey Clark and yogin Marianne Elliott? Download it here.

See if these pictures give you a hint.

Saturday night dance party in my studio with wonderful kids

Sunday morning Bob eating breakfast

Monday me making art messes

Any time you need a dog nose kiss (that’s what’s between our noses, a foam dog nose).

Every day this week!

Can you feel what each of these images have in common? Perhaps it’s not so obvious to anybody but me – but that’s part of what makes this the jeweled secret in plain sight – it’s what makes you feel alive and connected, not anybody else!

The jeweled secret in plain sight is creative joy. It’s what gives my life shine and meaning (in addition to love), and it’s also the experience I deny myself most. I know with all my brains (the one in my gut, my heart and my head) that my deepest desire is to create for the sake of creating, to follow what is fun, interesting and life-making. I know it so deeply and still, I judge the experience of creative joy as silly. There is no time for it, I tell myself, not when carbon has hit 400ppm in the atmosphere, when people are dying making our clothes, when fracking is destroying entire states and sickening children.

Here is what I also know: without regular dips and rolls in pure, creative joy – regular as in daily – I dry up. I can’t stand to take in the state of the world, and I don’t have the energy to help.

So I am asking for your support in nourishing my creative joy — and yours. Would you go here, click on the image that says Creative Joy Workbook, and go to page 3? You will find a magic ticket link there which includes a chance to win freeeeeee tuition to the 2nd annual Creative Joy Retreat.

I’ll see you on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. You’ll know what I mean when you read the invite inside the very beautiful and nourishing Creative Joy Workbook. Please join me in making a bit of time every day to feed our creative joy.

Jen’s Art Mess

Check out this brilliant question a reader asked recently:

“I stumbled upon your “shadow comforts” blog posts and could almost scream because this is ME! This is such a stupid question, but what do I do with all the free time?  I know I use shadow comforts (eating, TV, mindless internet surfing, sugar, caffeine) but how do I figure out what I *should* be doing with that time instead or what I’m trying to hide? I KNOW it’s under there but I’m having a tough time figuring out what I’m trying to cover, if that makes sense.”

My darling, this is SO not a stupid question. NOT AT ALL! It is a genius question. It is the kind of question that unlocks everything that matters. I remember asking something similar of my therapist somewhere in my 30′s:

“But why wouldn’t I eat sugar? What could possibly be better?”

Before I get to “What could be better than shadow comforts,” let’s explore “What I’m trying to hide?” For most of us, what we are trying to hide is our humanity. All the things we can’t do, can’t keep up with, can’t be (yet or sometimes ever).

We also hide from the places we aren’t standing up for ourselves – were we seek approval rather than sovereignty. We hide from where our life doesn’t meet our pictures of perfection – my squishy stomach does not meet my inner picture of my ideal stomach. I can use that as proof I am bad and thus an excuse to numb out, or I can see it for what it is – a story of how things should be different. And, of course, we hide from the ordinary and painful mis-steps of our life. The places we hurt people, turned away from the good, didn’t ask for what we really wanted, gave up on ourselves or someone else too soon.

Lately, I’ve been writing about not being with my dad when he died. It is one of my most painful stories. I started writing about this when I sat down to explore “a good enough life” (a possible idea for a new book).  As I wrote, I wondered, “What does this have to do with a good enough life?” Later it occurred to me that facing my past choices with clear hearted acceptance is crucial if I am to be freed from perfectionism and self-hatred, both of which prevent me from living a good enough life. The same is true for you.

Look back at your question. See that word *should*? That is the KEY WORD that sends you (and me) straight into the numbing maw of shadow comforts. Should supersedes your own desires and instincts. It puts your power to choose your life outside of you, out with the famous ever threatening “They” who know better than you. Only they don’t. Never did, never will.

So whatever your reasons, know this: you aren’t hiding something bad nor are you hiding because you are bad, weak or less than. You are hiding because you desire more compassion for being human. And when you think there is something to be rooted out and fixed, something you should be doing better, you will keep using shadow comforts to hide in, when there is only your humanity to be with.

Now here is where the better part comes in – thank god, right?! Here is what is so much better than shadow comforts: being here. Being here, not numb. When you entertain the idea there is nothing bad about you that you need to fix, you relax a little bit. Relaxing is so good for your nervous system. That makes it easier to be open and curious, to pause before you open Facebook or the box of cookies, and ask, “What do I really want?” or “What would feel really good right now?” or “What am I hungry for?” You don’t expect an instant answer nor do you expect it to fit a “perfect picture” of being creative, industrious, or productive (that would be the should operating again). You listen and follow what you hear. You trust yourself. (Have you gotten my freeeee self-trust course?)

Now I know none of this tells you what you should do with your time instead of shadow comforts. But I know you get that isn’t the question to ask. Ultimately what shadow comforts are inviting you to do is walk through the doorway of choice and desire into the ever present now of enoughness. Into wonder, aliveness and LIFE that is present everywhere, even in the midst of great loss and pain.

Shadow comforts say,”Come home to your life.”

In the end,  we numb ourselves because we put doing on a pedestal and thrust being into the pink ghetto. We choose shadow comforts because we are unwilling to sit where we are, being uncomfortable, being restless, being uncertain our desires even matter. We choose shadow comforts because being imperfectly who we are, using our life’s time and energy the way we want, is the ultimate act of an uppity woman.

So go explore, get curious, get open, and tell me what happens. Please.

Heather Plett is teacher, writer, and coach. She is also a wisdom-seeker, edge-walker, community-gatherer, and story-catcher. She is most happy when she can gather circles of women together to share stories, ask questions, and build community. Her current passion is her women’s personal leadership program called Lead with your Wild Heart.

Heather is a treasure. She is grounded, real, deeply accepting, wildly hopeful, and very wisely educated. She is a teacher you want to learn from, especially if you are called to savor & serve. Listen to this interview and be filled with practical hopefulness, especially about:

• What leadership means and how you are already a leader.
• What an encounter with a deer taught Heather about leading and what the wild heart wants to tell you.
• My recent owning of my shadow & Heather’s insights about why that is central to your leadership.
• How your passionate love for play – even if long buried – will liberate your energy to make a difference.

And yes, so much more. But listen soon as Heather’s program closes to new members Wednesday!

Enjoy our conversation – may it feed your wild heart.

Download audio link.

It includes a new adjustable desk base from ModTable with a top from Ikea and new art table from Ikea, too.

I turned my old desk into a wide open space to write at, with Buddha looking out for me.

My couch that doubles as a bed for  friends when they come for a visit is now under the windows.

Here is my little altar I made at the top of the stairs. It’s such a good reminder when coming into the space.

Here is where I meditate and where the dogs often nap.

I’m showing you my space not because it’s all tousled house porn and Dwell magazine cool — ha! — but because I finally feel deeply at home in my space for the first time.

See, I’ve been a restless gal much of my life. My itchiness has taken different forms — mostly related to creativity, identity, and nesting — and yet no matter the outward form, each instance threads back to my central life lessons: learning to accept reality, embrace the ordinary, engage creatively with the present, and give up fantasy.

So every spring when I invariably get chuffed about changing my house or my work, my ears perk up and I become watchful, curious, a bit wary of myself. What am I looking for that I think can arrive from out there?

And yet…

Another life lesson I’m always learning is to allow myself to want what I want and to take action on my own behalf. To not collapse by always putting others first or by being afraid to speak up. By not giving up on the help and support my creations deserve. To not think it’s impossible, forbidden, too much.

So when it comes to my room of my own, I wanted to claim my desire for beauty and step away from fantasy. Both and.

Which is what I did.

I’ve been working through body pain and injuries for a few years now and one idea my various body gurus have suggested is to switch position often. Which means less sitting. So I played with working at a stand-up desk for a few weeks, and realized I desired an adjustable desk where my computer would live and a wide-open sit-down desk for wide-open dreaming. I wanted both.

And that I also wanted a better art play space.  And to frame some art and generally make things mine.

Here is what would have happened in the past — I would feel a shaming story of “too much,  you want too much” gush up around all those desires, and then I would either buy something that I didn’t really want, thus discharging the uncomfortable energy of owning my desires, or get all sleepy and confused about what I wanted, make it complicated, and then do nothing.

Instead, this time I held on to my desire and the knowing it need not be perfect. Both and.

I searched on line for about a week before I found and ordered my base. Then I decided on a butcher block Ikea top instead of the one the desk came with. Now going to Ikea is not my idea of fun so I prepared for my trip by going alone (it can be hard for me to stay in touch with my desires when someone else is with me), gave myself plenty of time, had all my desk measurements in hand, and a bottle of water with Vitamin C (Ikea makes my allergies crazy).

Most of all, I prepared by reminding myself, I could have what I really wanted and what I was capable of getting.

That last point is as important. Another way I snarl up my desires is thinking I should be someone different than I am and thus be able to fulfill my desires in a different way. For example, I hate hate hate to shop. Yes, that much. For me to search for the perfect funky art table or desktop would be torture. I’ve tried. Big stressful fail. Ikea is good enough.

So dear Bob constructed everything for me this past weekend and I am swooning with love for my space. It feels incredible to have what I want, served up with the ordinary Jen way. Forget house porn, I got ordinary desire!  Come over and let’s make an art mess together!

I am an ordinary human.

I hereby wildly loudly celebrate being ordinary.

Average. Making mistakes. Getting C’s.

Here is why I am wildly celebrating being ordinary and average:

because I see a world enthralled to best, a world that increasingly equates being extraordinary with the right to exist.

If you can’t win the reality TV show, make a million your first year in business, write a mega best-selling book, be thin and have a great butt into your 70′s, raise perfect children, have hot sex three times a week, why be at all?

This kind of thinking is deadly in so many ways. It encourages us to be frantic, ashamed, lonely and resigned. And yes, you always have a choice how you react and it’s draining to always have to resist the dominant culture pull.

The push/pull to be EXTRAORDINARY breaks connection and squanders our individual gifts when we need them most.

If we believe being average = being nobody then we never develop the gifts we have, thinking them too average, hum drum, who cares? Simple example: If I try to write this blog post like an extraordinary writer, my writing dries up and nothing emerges.

If we believe ordinary means we can’t impact the world, we fall into resignation, bury ourselves in shadow comforts.

If we believe being average and ordinary means no one will love us or everyone we meet is too ordinary, we condemn ourselves to loneliness.

Perhaps most tragically, when we work so hard to be special, there is no time to be alive! No time to open our arms to the simple, the average, the everyday. Which is where 99.9% of the life happens and where we get to be who we are!

I have no snappy ending or tidy answer for this cultural affliction except to proclaim – with my flabby butt and floppy arms – I am average. I am ordinary. And I am wildly proud of it.

Nice to meet you.

T. Thorn Coyle is an internationally respected teacher and author of Make Magic of Your Life: Purpose, Passion, and the Power of Desire as well as Kissing the Limitless and other books. Often called a “Master Teacher” Thorn’s teaching and spiritual direction practices help people worldwide. She lives by the San Francisco Bay.

I first met Thorn on my writer’s retreat in Taos last year — I knew her from her work, but spending time in sacred writing space was such a treat. She is a wise one!  And during that retreat, she asked me to contribute a story to her upcoming book, Make Magic of Your Life, which I did.

When the book arrived, I found myself nodding along on every page — so much of what I believe and experience Thorn has beautifully captured here.

In this audio romp we talk about:

What desire is, what it feels like — and what it isn’t.
What desire and over-providing have to do with one another.
How desire freed Thorn to truly serve.
The role of silence, will, and knowing in living a life that is magic — in the real sense of being here doing what only you can do.

Please enjoy Thorn’s wonderful strength and conviction.

Download audio link.

1

A line in an old journal I reread this morning made me think of the mothers in Argentine who gather in the Plaza de Mayo every Thursday afternoon. They have gathered there since 1977, wearing white head scarves embroidered with the names of their disappeared children, lost during the Dirty War.

Then my thoughts flickered to the women in black who stand on street corners all over the world, protesting violence against women. At least one woman stands at our ferry terminal every Friday evening for an hour and has for ten years. Even in the dark and rain.

All these women and so many millions more, patiently, stubbornly saying, “No More.”  

No more children disappeared.
No more villages bombed.
No more wars in the name of greed.
No more women raped and then blamed for being raped.
No more children sold into slavery.
Mo more chemicals being pumped in to the water and air and food.
No more factory farms.
No more air too polluted to breathe.
No more.

All these thoughts fed me this morning as I ate my yogurt and drank my tea,  and I began to wonder, “What if all women in the world wore white every Friday to say ‘No more”" ?

What if we used wearing white to remember, to wake up, to help ourselves together take the small actions that can move the world  toward healing, toward equality, toward life?

We would not do this in a dour or martyred way, no! We would do it with defiance, panache and adoration for LIFE.

To call us all to be a stand for life, to choose life.  Together.

2

I spend a far amount of time obsessed with the notion that if we each turned a small portion of our attention to making life better for all human beings — in whatever way we could — from the resources we use to how we communicate to the work we do in the world, we could turn things around on our planet.

And plus, it would be so much fun. We would all be in it together. We would say to each other on the train home, in the gym after school, by the sidelines of our kid’s soccer games, “Hey, what did you do today toward healing the whole?” We would exchange stories of joyful incremental change.

I keep thinking, “If we all worked together, we could do it! Stop global warming, help the hurting, wipe out violence against women, cease the mad plundering of our world’s last wild places, know that we all belong and matter.”

Because there are so many of us — most of us! — who want better, who desire fairness, justice and safety for all. Who don’t want to the ice caps to melt away, who don’t want women to be oppressed, who don’t want people enslaved to make us T-shirts, who don’t believe their way of life is the only way for everyone and death to those who disagree.

3

Maybe we wear white on Fridays to remember to ask each other, “What are you doing today?” And to rejoice in how much better a fair good world feels than one that isn’t.

Because we all believe in No more.

Renée Peterson Trudeau is a truly wonderful human being. Her work is a calming balm to mothers and families. She’s an internationally recognized life balance coach, speaker, and president of award-winning Career Strategists.  Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Good Housekeeping, Yogi Times and she leads life balance workshops and retreats for Fortune 500 companies, conferences, and organizations worldwide. Her new book Nurturing the Soul of Your Family is absolutely essential reading for all over scheduled time starved, spirit hungry families. Find it at ReneeTrudeau.com

I interviewed Renee because she embodies what she teaches. She is committed to awakening more ease, harmony, and flow in midst of the insanity that has become modern family life. I listen to so many friends and clients say, “But I have to have the kids in all these activities or they will fall behind,” or “I have to do all this for them or they won’t have time to study,” etc., etc. and I get so dispirited. We are creating a culture with no time for connection and play, no time for being human. Renee is a stand for the human way!

Listen in as we touch on:

• How nurturing the soul of the family is imagining what you want as a family not creating big rigid goals
• How to use what you crave and desire to lead your family
• Naming what derails your sense of emotional well being in your family and how to find your joy again
• How Renee creates connection within her family
• How to navigate technology without it becoming a tug of war
• Why you don’t have to craft or do anything to create this sense of well-being

I hope you enjoy this talk with dear Renee!  Please do visit her website to learn more about her retreats and get the book.

Or, to download the interview, right-click here and choose “Save Link As.”

And to access archives of all the Saturday Savor & Serve Sessions and get them delivered to your email in-box, sign up for the often list here.